Remembering a rage

The crone found an old email she had sent to a friend about a rage the maiden had – it is almost 4 years ago to the day. I had forgotten about this rage. She was 12. Had lived with me for almost four years. Sad, when you can forget because there were still more to come.

If you want to know what happens to children who have been exposed to alcohol before they are born, or are so traumatized by abuse and neglect then this is just one snippet of my past life with the maiden. So, so very grateful we are no longer in that space.

We had a big rage last night. She destroyed her bedroom………….broke quite a few cd’s/videos. She put holes in the wall in the hallway going from the kitchen to the family room……….upturned tables, chairs, plants and then went outside and threw chairs etc. It was the worst one yet and it lasted for 2 hours.

I went outside and stayed outside then came in when she went outside. When it was all over, we called her respite worker and she came and took her for the night.

Something must have happened at camp on Friday but she hasn’t shared that yet.

I am full of bruises and nicks from her nails and am very sore.

It’s so disturbing to watch, knowing that apparently it’s the core of her hurt coming out. We are completely exhausted.

There was help available to me at the time. We had a great pediatrician, a community worker knowledgeable with FASD, adoption, attachment, trauma and abuse and a wonderful respite worker. But re-hearing this event brings me more sadness at this point that the maiden had to go through this to heal. She doesn’t remember any of it.

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