Remembering a rage

The crone found an old email she had sent to a friend about a rage the maiden had – it is almost 4 years ago to the day. I had forgotten about this rage. She was 12. Had lived with me for almost four years. Sad, when you can forget because there were still more to come.

If you want to know what happens to children who have been exposed to alcohol before they are born, or are so traumatized by abuse and neglect then this is just one snippet of my past life with the maiden. So, so very grateful we are no longer in that space.

well (the maiden) had a doozy rage last night. She destroyed her bedroom………….broke quite a few cd’s/videos. She put holes in the wall in the hallway going from the kitchen to the family room……….upturned tables,chairs,plants and then went outside and threw chairs etc. It was the worst one yet and it lasted for 2 hrs. Something must have happened at camp on Friday but she hasn’t shared that yet. (The Mother) is full of bruises and nicks from (the maiden)’s nails and is very sore…….I went outside and stayed outside then came in when she went outside. (The Mother) called (the maiden’s) respite worker and she came and took her for the night. When she gets home today (the maiden)has to clean up her room………
(The mother) will help her but the first thing out of there will be the bed frame as she seems to shake the bed off it regular.Her dresser is upturned on the floor with big pieces of wood out of the drawers………’s so disturbing to watch knowing that apparently it’s the core of her hurt coming out so it’ll be continuing for a while I guess. The prozac hasn’t helped so I guess it’s back to the doc’s.We are completely exhausted.

There was help available to me at the time. We had a great ped. doc, a community worker knowledgeable in FASD, adoption, attachment, trauma and abuse and a wonderful respite worker. But re-hearing this event brings me more sadness at this point that the maiden had to go through this to heal. She doesn’t remember any of it.

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