Remembering a rage

The crone found an old email she had sent to a friend about a rage (what we know now is sensory overload) the maiden had – it is almost 4 years ago to the day. I had forgotten about this one. She was 12. We had been together for almost four years. Looking back, who would believe you could forget? It was because there were still more to come.

We had a big rage last night. She destroyed her bedroom………….broke quite a few cd’s/videos. She put holes in the wall in the hallway going from the kitchen to the family room……….upturned tables, chairs, plants and then went outside and threw chairs etc. It was the worst one yet and it lasted for 2 hours.

I went outside and stayed outside then came in when she went outside. When it was all over, we called her respite worker and she came and took her for the night.

Something must have happened at camp on Friday but she hasn’t shared that yet.

I am full of bruises and nicks from her nails and am very sore.

It’s so disturbing to watch, knowing that apparently it’s the core of her hurt coming out. We are completely exhausted.

I am so very grateful we are no longer in that space. It is scary for everyone. I was so lost for so many years. No one taught me about the symptoms of FASD and what accommodations I needed. I was learning a little about trauma and attachment but I knew nothing that could have helped. It was only when we reached a crisis that we found help and a diagnosis.

There was finally help available. We were referred to an FASD informed pediatrician, a community worker knowledgeable with FASD, adoption, attachment & trauma  and a wonderful respite worker.

But re-hearing this event brings back sadness and grief that the maiden had to go through this for us to find a pathway to healing. Thankfully she doesn’t remember any of it.